Our Distrust is Expensive

The famous 19^th century writer and poet Ralph Waldo Emerson stated, “Our distrust is very expensive.” It’s true, if we lack trust in others we suffer an extreme form of isolation. A good example of the chaos that can result from distrust gone array is what happened in Colorado on July 20, 2012.

James Holmes, a 24 year old man, who a few months before had a life of possibility, apparently developed a distrust so insidious and toxic that he collapsed his life and simply closed down from all society. Former FBI profiler Brad Garrett stated on CTV’s Canada AM, “His behavior changed erratically and suddenly. When you start to distrust everyone you have an extreme form of isolation and we can all go off the rails in regards to our thinking.”

 

Trust is not actually a given and some can not help but come into a new relationship riddled with a sense of distrust. For example many who struggle with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder often find trust a constant tug of war. However, in an attempt to build relationships and end their own isolation that same individual might decide they will trust until the other is proven untrustworthy.

Our western judicial system begins from a place of trust; that being, all are innocent until proven guilty. As young children we begin our life psychologically from a place of trust. An infant holds a pure trust, a perfect trust which ‘just is’. However, this state of perfect trust is fleeting and even if our parents do not violate it, we as humans will never know it again.

So how then will trust look as we age?  As we grow our trust will no longer ‘just be’ as when we were infants. Rather, our psychological trust in others will have to develop. The most recent theory on trust maintains people obtain and sustain certain patterns with regards to trust.  In this theory, trust in relationships develops in stages. Each stage is built on a foundation of ability, integrity, and benevolence. So the more we see these behaviors in another person the more we trust that person.

The first stage of trust development is calculus based. We look at someone and we decide subconsciously what are the rewards for trusting that person and what are the threats should he/she violate our trust. Then we continue to calculate and we subconsciously decide if the rewards will out weight the threats. If the rewards are greater we will begin to form a calculus based trust. This first stage of trust is a cognitive trust which is grounded in the dependability of the one who is being trusted.

The second stage of the development of trust is more emotional then the former. As two individuals successfully navigate through the calculus based trust stage they might-- if it is appropriate to do so-- move to the second stage of trust development. With a better understanding of one another and a more extensive personal history they may actually realize that they share the same goals and values. With this awareness their trust will grow to a higher level that is referred to as identification-based trust.

Identification-based trust is more emotional than calculus-based trust. Two individuals who have developed an identification- based trust will understand each other to the point where they will be acting on the others interest and subsequently an emotional bond develops. Identification-based trust is a rich, quality type of trust built on a foundation of emotions.





Confussion by Kolenya





Psychological trust is not a given. We can not be expected to trust everyone we meet. Yet if we distrust everyone we meet we will never be able to build trustworthy relationships and will live our life in a severe state of isolation. This type of isolation can lead all of us to behavior that is regrettable. We are social beings and we need to have some socialization to function in a productive way. So what can we do when our trust for whatever reason has been betrayed?

What we must do is subconsciously or conscious decide to build trust with another. As our personal history develops with another and we find they are trustworthy, so to will a rich, emotionally based trust: the most rewarding and nurturing of the two stages of trust.

Making a Living Writing: A Detour from the Usual Posts

Excuse me, I hope you don’t mind. I am going to take a small detour from my usual topic with this post. I would like to pause and reflect on why it is that I do what I do. Why is it that I write?

My writing career is a delightfully twisty journey which has never left me bored. No straight lines for me. It was in 2005 when my BA was nearing completion that I had to decide how I was going to utilize what had cost a fortune to acquire. My skill set was formed through a major in History with a minor concentration of both Sociology and English. I knew how to research and write. Not only did I have the ‘know-how’, I loved the work. So I felt a career in writing was the natural result.

My writing career was actually my second career, but it was the first time I had chosen a career. My first career I fell into, with this career I had designs. So I began to volunteer for local newspapers, I can still remember the buzz I got when my first article was printed. That euphoria has simmered a bit, but there are still some projects which provoke the high.

I have not yet pursued post-graduate work, though I know it is around the corner. I am educating myself at the present, which is one of the strongest ways I learn. But I am realizing there are wonderful resources out there and I am planning to tap into them.

It was only a few months ago I happened to stumble across the website Make a Living Writing while cruising my LinkedIn site. I was quick to realize this site had much to offer me so I signed up and began to follow it. Since then, I often access the information Carol shares. It was not too long ago that I made a trip into the Freelance Writers Den; which is an educational resource offered through Making a Living Writing website, and once again paused.

The Freelance Writers Den looks to be a wonderful way to begin some post-graduate work. I know I would not be getting a certificate or documentation but the skills I would acquire would serve me well. I need help figuring out how to bust into the magazine market, how to scope out jobs which pay a decent wage, I need mentoring with the work I do online and how to network and market myself. I have so much to learn I suspect the Freelance Writers Den would be a fabulous first step in figuring out that which has stumped me thus far.

As a writer I have lots of wonderful hopes and dreams. These dreams serve me well as I formulate short and long term career goals. My favorite writing career dream is that I have a book publish with great reviews. I often visualize this dream focusing in on how such a success would make me feel. Then I buckle down and create goals which I believe will lead me to the realization of this favorite dream. I believe lack of information has been a barrier to my accessing all that I wish to. Possibly post-graduate work through a source like Freelance Writers Den would remove that barrier.   

It is interesting to note that Making a Living Writing is actually hosting a contest. I love contests, they offer me new writing ideas and allow me to once again dream about possibilities. So with this blog post I am actually entering into the contest. The prize is a free month in the Freelancers Writers Den. What a great opportunity to see what it is all about before I invest in a membership. I felt it was a wonderful opportunity which I did not want to miss. Now, I step back and let my imagination run wild, and dream. 

©H. Ballantyne 2012