Breakfast of Champions

April 7, 2011 London’s Canadian Mental Health Association in partnership with St Joseph’s Health Care Foundation hosted its annual Breakfast of Champions. This was the fifth year for the breakfast celebration with approximately 1000 people in attendance. Everyone came together with one goal, to support those who live with mental illness. There are two very important features of the Breakfast gathering. First is the Champion of Mental Health Award presentation, and second is the keynote speaker who addresses the gathering as they enjoy their delicious breakfast.

This year the Champion of Mental Health Award had 11 nominations, two of which are part of the WOTCH community. Christine Sansom, who is the director of Clinical Services at WOTCH was nominated, as was WOTCH. Christine’s nomination stated that she is known for, “her boundless energy, and respect for her colleagues, and dedication to her clients.” The nomination for WOTCH, said, “WOTCH provides a beacon of hope for its clients and their families by ‘watching’ over them as they travel through dark times.” However, this year the recipient for the Champion of Mental Health Award went to Dr. Cheryl Forchuk, a Professor in the Faculty of Health Sciences at the University of Western Ontario.

The Keynote Speakers for this year’s Breakfast of Champions; well known Canadian Journalist and former CTV morning show anchor, Valerie Pringle and her daughter Catherine.

In 2007 Catherine worked as Deputy Press Secretary for the PC Party Provincial Campaign. Only a few weeks into her new job severe panic and anxiety attacks forced her to take a sick leave. Unable to work, she sought treatment at the Center for Addictions and Mental Health in Toronto. She was off work for a number of weeks and when she returned she did one of the hardest things she has every done. She disclosed her illness to her boss. He was sympathetic to her condition since he also knew someone who was suffering with anxiety and panic attacks. But she soon realized that she was viewing her own condition with a self impose prejudice, she saw herself as crazy.

Catherine, with the support of family quickly changed her own ideas and realized that the “cone of silence” would be lifted with them. Catherine and her mother Valerie decided they would become advocates for Mental Illness with the intention of busting up the deeply rooted stigma which is so prevalent. As Valerie stated, “despite its prevalence, mental illness has a silence about it that runs deep. How often do we read in an obituary that schizophrenia or depression was the cause of death?” Furthermore, when Valerie toured the Center for Addictions and Mental Health Hospital she noticed there was not even a gift shop since the patients did not receive the visitors that another ill person would. Left alone to recover in a typical mid-nineteenth century hospital with cages and little light Valerie realized this was not just any issue; it was an issue of social justice.

Catherine’s story of mental illness and her recovery is linear. She got so sick she could not work; she realized she needed help; she asked for help, and then she found help and she recovered. When Catherine and Valerie were asked if they could comment on the struggles they faced in their recovery, both explained that their story did not include a great deal of struggle. Catherine realizes she is lucky that way, however, “we do have people who find us on Facebook and ask us where are we to go, we have tried everything we can think of. The challenge with something where you’re still trying to breakdown its barriers is that often times you do not have the answer, since there are not the services in place.” Mother and daughter both hope that with a focus on raising awareness they will also raise much needed funding for Mental Health care here in Canada.

©Holly Ballantyne 2011

Onset

Schizophrenia is a devastating illness that affects hundreds of thousands of Canadians each year. The cost to the individuals and their families is extensive. The onset of the illness can be rapid, with the start of the symptoms over a few days or weeks; well others will develop their symptoms slowly over many months or years.

In 2004 Angus began to exhibit behaviors that were unusual for him. A young man of 20, he was a caring son and brother, a student studying at the University of the Fraser Valley, with the hope of entering into a social work program. But the gradual onset of schizophrenia grounded his hopes for a number of years.

The following selections come from journal entries and letters written by me; Angus' mother, through-out the gradual onset of his mental illness.

May 12, 2005

Last night I stepped over a threshold and I kicked Angus out of the house.

I did not cry. I did not sleep. I did not feel vindicated or correct in any way.

I worried. I worried when I heard a siren. I worried how he would eat. But I did not cry.

I prayed. I prayed he would be arrested and forced to get help. But I did not phone the police.

Last night I kicked my son out of our home, but I did not cry.

May 13, 2005

Angus came back home. I let him in. He said he does not want to be homeless, he agreed to get some help.

© Holly Ballantyne 2011

Suzy with the Button Black Eyes

A Brief Introduction

This is the introduction to Suzy with the Button Black Eyes. It is a story being currently published in a private local newsletter. Each newsletter contains a Chapter. It is entirely fictional but the muse is my dearly departed Missy, who passed away at 19 years of age after a long and brave battle with a heart murmur. The grief one feels at the passing of a true and constant companion is extreme. This story and the devotion of a few new and old friends got me through the darkest part.

Suzy with the Button Black Eyes: Chapter One

At 40 years of age, Jane accepted her life as it was. Though her life did not in any way look as she had imagined, she didn’t care. It was not that Jane felt too depressed with her situation that she did not fight to have her life be as she dreamed it would. Instead, Jane did not fight since she believed her life was as it should be. At 40 years of age Jane was content for the first time in her life.

Jane sat in her favorite lawn chair under the huge maple tree in her back yard. The morning smelt fresh, with a soft warm spring breeze, scented of freshly cut grass. She could feel that summer was not far off. As she sipped her coffee, Jane knew that today was going to be a wonderful day. Today she had plans which she had been looking forward to for many months.

© Holly Ballantyne June 2011

In Consideration of Mental Illness

Sometimes, those of us who suffer with mental illness take some perverse comfort (perverse because; who should really wish their fellow human beings ill) in the knowledge that we are not alone. I am no different. When I was first diagnosed with chronic depression I needed to see what that illness looked like. As is my nature, I began to ask lots of questions which lead me to books on the topic.

Did you know that the author of the nineteenth century novel Frankenstein, Mary Shelley, was chronically depressed? She wrote the following in her personal journal,

“ My mind slumbers and my heart is dull—is life quite over? Have the wreaks and storms of the last years destroyed my intellect, my imagination, my capacity of invention—what am I become?”

Mental illness was treated very differently in the mid-nineteenth century. Patients were tided down, kept in the dark, or worse. Back then, mental illness was a subject that was never spoken of for the fear of what would happen to the ill person. Unlike our own experience, Mary Shelley had no one to model what mental illness looked like. She suffered in silence, in private, and only confessed her fears and conditions to trusted friends,family, and in her very private journals. I am grateful that mental illness is not so stigmatized (though there is still room to grow). All I can say is thank goodness for books.

©Holly Ballantyne 2011

...Though-out the last 18 months of Gracie's life she realized her previous judgments of her mother had been harsh and built upon the vision of the girl who had originally formed them. They were ridged judgments of a mother who had been caught in an existence of chaos. While Gracie could now see her own failings, she realized that it was pointless to get too caught up in her own guilt. Rather then simmer in her own guilt, now was a time to help others face their own realities….

From my first novel.

Copyright © 2011 by Holly Ballantyne

Onset

Schizophrenia is a devastating illness that affects hundreds of thousands of Canadians each year. The cost to the individuals and their families is extensive. The onset of the illness can be rapid, with the start of the symptoms over a few days or weeks; well others will develop their symptoms slowly over many months or years.

In 2004 Angus began to exhibit behaviors that were unusual for him. A young man of 20, he was a caring son and brother, a student studying at the University of the Fraser Valley, with the hope of entering into a social work program. But the gradual onset of schizophrenia grounded his hopes for a number of years.

The following selections come from journal entries and letters written by me; Angus' mother, through-out the gradual onset of his mental illness.

Dr Seiman: G. P. 

Diagnosis: Depression 

Effexor 100 mg.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

February 10, 2005

Angus never sleeps anymore. Awake day and night. For days! He wanders in circles at home; he wanders in circles on the streets: always with loud, angry music playing on his Ipod with the head phones on. The look in his eyes is so different; my son has become a stranger to me. What is happening?

March 11, 2005

I am a wreck! My ability to focus on my daily tasks is challenged minute by minute. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and none of us sleep these days.

Angus and I spoke today; he admitted he is not doing well but is not ready to get help. He does not wash or change his clothes, he hardly eats or sleeps. He spends a lot of time alone in his room having heated discussions with the voices in his head. As a result, his voice is raspy from all the work he gives it.  When Angus looks at me, a stranger looks into my eyes. Clearly he does not know who I am. I can no longer touch him, I miss being able to hug him. I miss his company. I miss my son.

Please remember that this is original work that can not be reprinted without the consent of the author. Blog entry Copyright 2011.

About Stigma & the Language We Use

I had coffee with a friend the other day. It was wonderful to once again sit in the warm cocoon of a local coffee shop and shoot the breeze. We talked about many things, from family, to school, to work. Finally we touched on the subject we both shared, our battles with depression.

The conversation was nonthreatening so we both felt comfortable in sharing all we had been through. Her story was as brutal as one could imagine and yet she refused to label herself as ill. In fact she felt it was a label which furthered the stigma we both live with. She informed me that she preferred to use the phrase, ‘I have mental health issues’ rather then the common phrase, ‘I have a mental illness.’ I have been pondering this idea ever since.

I am very comfortable referrer to myself as a ‘mental health consumer’ instead of ‘a mentally ill patient’, and yet I held on fast to the phrase ‘mental illness.’ So I am now questioning do I need to take it one step further, and begin to remind myself that I am dealing with issues and not illness. As I consider I realized that if someone were to ask me if I am ill with depression today, I would say I am in a remission. My symptoms are presently under my management instead of me under the management of my symptoms. But with that said, I am nothing like I was before my last episode, I am more vulnerable and far more fragile. But am I still ill and should I allow myself to speak of myself in that way?

Stigma is my chosen battle ground. I strongly believe that my energy is best used shifting previously held prejudices and misconceptions of all mental health illnesses or issues. As I go through my day taking all opportunities to enlighten others it now occurs to me that maybe I had room to grow in my own enlightenment.

I believe my friend has hit the nail on the head. I am no longer mentally ill, while in remission I am dealing with mental health issues. This phrase just feels more appropriate. Like I am a consumer not a patient, I am not ill just dealing with my issues. To my friend, and you know who you are, I am so grateful for the gift of enlightenment you bestowed upon me that afternoon at Timmy’s.

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